what happened?

starting again....how many times have i had to do that? to many to count. i have been at the crack pipe again and again i will start over.

how depressing to have no comments. still it is cathartic to write and send to web world

wow. positive day. at last. feel great. optomositic, creative. wish i could bottle this.feeling. grateful as hell to be clean today. grateful as hell tha winter is over!. and even more grateful that i am developing some new friendships. i love the possibility that a new friend brings

i am so bloody tired. i want, i want, i want...................when does life happen again. or was my marriage my only shot at happiness. weekends i rest and am very lonely. i'm thankful for the weekend to come and then equally thankful when it is over. at least whn i am at work i have something to do. would i really be happier with a man in life and why is it that a partner would make such a big difference???

so sad the new of alex chilton. life is full of sadness and it is the living that go on and make it all make sense. we work we love we create, that is our obligation our duty

The endless grey spring is draggin me under. I am tired and moody and nothing is light and easy. I would love to be happy, and if happiness is really an inside job well then I have some work to do. I guess I am not unhappy just blah, and I prefer happy.

So I am wondering about the lies we tell ourselves? Are they the same as affirmations? I am a strong independent woman and my body is my own. Does that make it OK for me to be a stripper, have multiple lovers, or even stay isolated?? I can do this on my own? or Am I too afraid to ask for help?? Do I need to accomplish on my own?? Funny how everything is a double edged sword?